I’m going to do something I usually don’t and just do a quick run-down and loose interpretation of these patch notes. You can find the unabridged version here.

Features!

 
Claim Window – To make it easier to justify EA sucking the dollars from your wallet under the guise of something loosely endorsed by GamesWorkshop, the NEW Claim Window will give you a second chance at that snotling you let rot in your mailbox!

Importance: Minimal

 
Armor Set Changes – Anni R25, Conq R35, Invader R39, Warlord R40 (various RR ranks). We don’t understand what people mean by Sov/DF/WF is too powerful, so we just removed all the other sets from T4. That way it doesn’t look like we screwed up balance in T4 so much! Yay! Oh, and we added a token “worn” set that’s not quite as good as Sov.

Importance: Epic… yet sadly, fail.

 
Scenario Shakeup – Tier 4 – Gates of Ekrund, Mourkain Temple, Tor Anroc, Maw of Madness, Reikland Hills, Serpent’s Passage. We had to dump Insignia Factory to T3 as a token effort to get those players so loaded up on tokens they feel like they might stand a chance in the new T4 lineup. Not a bad mix. They should have dropped Serpents Passage for Logrins Forge I think. Screw elves, they don’t need a second scenario anyway.

Importance: Boner-rific

 
Server/Client Optimizations – Hampster steroid injections make our servers fasta! Client changes probably break your addons! Yay!

Importance: Wet Fart

 
General Changes – We made you lowbies worth more renown longer for the RR80+ players to farm you without getting bored or being spammed by +1rp or This Player Has Been Killed Too Recently… This way they can all level to RR100 faster at which point they’ll do the same thing they did last time they levelcapped, grief the piss out of you and disrupt the spirit of the game. Cheers!

Oh, and the Renown bonus from the progression pack now extends into the RR80+ range a bit further as well, just to rub some salt in that vinegar covered wound. Bitches. (you can afk for 3m at a time now).

Importance: Eyelid removal surgery.

 

Open World Campaign – We fixed something! Resource carriers only exist in active zones, suck an egg you lowbie freenown whores! Skaven bosses are WAY too cool to take Morale damage, so unlike pretty much every other entity in the game, we decided to make them immune to morale damage. Someone rubbed one out when they were fixing Skaven. Some stuff changed. It’s hard to tell from the paperwork what it was. Last Stand BO gankers are now shit outta luck! No more lowbie Last Standers stealing our RR80+ BO flags! BO flags take 10s to capture, pray hard and long motherfuckers. Some other “fixes” and nerfs to Skaven, Packmasters can heal from range (except themselves, still).

Importance: Waffle Iron Burn
 

Combat and Careers – Warrior Priest and Disciple of Khaine receive another round of… well, changes. All the rest of you suckers? Yeah, keep dreaming. Fixed numerous tooltip issues.

Importance: 18% of the game population plays a WP/DoK, take that as you will.

 
Content! –  Fixed a quest reward. Fixed win conditions on two PQ’s (i think they’re PQ’s).

Importance: 

 

Ok, yeah. I’m done here. There rest of this is just making me sleepy. There’s a reason I don’t try and review patch notes. Please, lower the power scale of your high end, easily obtainable, RR90 and RR100 set gear. Get rid of the invisi-levels that go up to R45. You have SO MANY players that are R40 but no where near competitive enough to keep up with all of that. It’s going to get worse. By your current changes, you’re basically telling me that my Engi in full Warlord is JUST NOW allowed to really compete in T4. That’s just wrong. Isn’t it? Sov is my next step, but I’ve only ever won two pieces in contested city fights since I leave the empty ones. I have enough crests for… oh, like, one more piece at the moment.

There’s so much that boggles my mind, I can’t stress enough how backwards all of this sounds. You introduced extremely overpowered gear for the live environment. It needs to be toned down. Simple. Instead of take all of the weaker gear and push it to lower levels to displace what exactly? You still have tons of players that are in T4 and can’t go BACK to T3 where their current gear might actually be useful. You have TONS of gear in T3 and T2 even that is going to be outdated almost immediately as these sets are made available. Can you imagine hitting R16 and heading out in the RvR lake of T2 and getting insta-gibbed by a player wearing Annihilator? You didn’t fix the problem, you’ve turned it into a game-wide epidemic!

Personally I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Andy to show up in a WAR video wearing a pedobear suit curbstomping Casey in his rat costume and LOLing about how badly he just EPIC TROLLED all the forumers with these patch notes. Shortly before showing off the real ones that state pretty plainly.

– Due to the overwhelming customer response to the power gap caused not only by introducing an additional 20 renown ranks and 5 hidden character ranks to the game, as well as adding two incredibly powerful and easy to obtain sets of gear, on top of the revamped Sovereign gear from nearly a year ago, we’ve decided to level this power curve and adjust all the sets to a powerscale that is still rewarding for the highest ranking players, but not immediately offputting for new players in T4. Warpforged will now have approximately double the stats of Annihilator, and the rest will scale accordingly.

Only Mythic can turn epic trolling into a style of MMO development. Amirite?